My Sister is [Unsurprisingly] a Great Mom!

Honestly.  THIS SHOULD NOT SURPRISE ME!!!

We're talking about the sister to whom I gave every doll or barbie I ever received because I knew she would play with them more than I would.  [Give me stuffed animals, K'nex, and Rubik's cubes any day!]

Funny story about that actually!  One Christmas my sister, who would have been preteenish at the time, wanted to get this one certain doll.  Unfortunately, she knew that the way you ordered this type of doll, it was random which one you received.  So she schemed up a plan to convince me, probably 6ish, that I wanted to ask for the same type of doll.  She thought that as soon as I got it, as per usual, I would give it to her et voila!, double her chances of getting the doll she wanted!  It was a good plan, but she worked a little to hard at convincing me I wanted this doll, and that was the only doll I ever kept EVER.  I think it was the one she wanted too!

Funny story aside though, that's just the start of all of the things that should have been CLUES to me along the way...

She got into babysitting as soon as people would let her, she was always a natural with kids, and she was and still is a really great big sister!  I knew her plans all along were to have kids, and to me that was such a no brainer that I didn't even give it much thought!

But, you know, sometimes things just hit you!  All at once, you realize something you have known all along.  And yesterday, hanging out with my sister and my most recent nephew, I realized, "MY SISTER IS A BRILLIANT MOM!!!"

I know what you're thinking, "But Emmi, you're totally biased!"  And you'd be right, but that doesn't make me wrong!

I've seen my sister handle her child with a beautiful grace, a comforting calm, and what can only be described as a perfect mom-ness.  She is really good at this, you guys!

On top of that, up til now I probably would have classified Lisa as a worrier, but I have never seen her so worry free!  Which is surprising in itself, because one would expect a first time mom to be nothing but a worrier!  But her whole journey through pregnancy and motherhood has been a beautiful display of the Peace that can conquer fears and doubts.

I couldn't be prouder of her <3.

Some Thought Put Into It.

I've been having a disappointing week.  Disappointed in myself.

But today, God has been reminding me that he has put A LOT of thought into the SIMPLEST things around me.  Hence, my study of wheat.  Yes... wheat.

(ETA:  Oh my goodness, so turns out that is actually BARLEY!!! ...So yes, my knowledge of crops is poor; my amazement in the fact that God created that [period] has not been diminished.  Now I will know the difference between wheat and barley.)

So I just wanted to make a post about this.  Because if He's put so much thought into WHEAT BARLEY, how can I possibly believe that I am on my own in fixing my problems.  He has put way too much thought into my life to just abandon me now.

// Luke 1:45 // Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her. //
// Luke 1:37 // For no word from God will ever fail. //

I also attempted to capture this picture of a storm in front of the sunset, but of course it doesn't really do it justice.  Still a pretty picture though.

A (Lengthy) Side Trip

It's been a while since I've posted, I know... bad Emmi.

To be fair, I did spend most of July working at a youth/kids camp (I guess I'm not going to be making a "real" post about that like I have been meaning to...).

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Let's just take a little side trip from this post to talk about the camp.  It was my first time EVER being at a camp.  I mean EVER as in I NEVER went to camp as a kid/teen, and this was my FIRST experience working at one.  The experience, honestly, was not what I was expecting, and I still can't even really decide how I feel about the whole thing (hence, why I haven't written a blog post about it yet).

There were parts of the first week (aka. teen retreat) that made me want to either cry in the corner or punch something.  It was nicht so gut*.  Not to be all "poor me", but there was one of the girls (there were only three) who HATED me.  Or did she like me... some days we were fine (normal haha moments and a couple serious ones), some days she would be completely cold to me (as soon as I would approach her, she would get a rigid body posture, stare at a distance roughly 5 feet away from me, and only say something to the effect of "talk to me and I'm leaving" or say absolutely nothing at all).  It was maddening never knowing which persona I would be dealing with!

And whatever! I'm a big girl! Though she was the point that broke me every time, her attitude was not the problem.  The problem that had me running to yell at God was feeling USELESS.  This group was a mess at the beginning of the week: bullying, exclusiveness, wordly attitudes... I instantly felt the need being cried out in every interaction these teens had with each other;  they needed a strong leader!  Or ANY leader period.  I AM CALLED TO BE A YOUTH LEADER!!!  It was torture to know the need, but at the same time know that I could do nothing to fill it!  These kids had known me for all of a day, and weren't interested in acknowledging that I even existed.  If I'd stuck around for another month (or years), I knew I could have an impact, but it was a very frustrating experience to learn that I am not a short-term-relationship type of leader.  I NEED months/years to do my thing.

And so, here I am in the very first week of three weeks at this camp, learning that I feel useless when I only get to spend 5 days with those I'm leading.  ...Can't you just feel my excitement to do the rest of the weeks?

No.

I was pretty upset with God for bringing me so far** to do, what felt like, nothing.

This side trip is getting really long...

Needless to say, I finished that first week feeling really tired.  But I found myself really grateful for the Youth Group that God has given me to lead.

The other two weeks (aka. kids camp and pre-teen camp) went significantly better!  Though not exactly sunshine and rainbows, it was a lot more of what I had prepared myself for.  I even found myself managing to form a couple of relationships with the campers! Yay :)

All this to say, I'm torn about how I feel about camp as a ministry.  I've heard stories of how effective camp ministry can be, so I'm not saying that it isn't.  I am just kind of left feeling like, maybe, it's not MY ministry.

My strength is in long-term ministry.

That being said, if God wants me to go back, I will.  In a heartbeat.  I know he can use even my pathetic attempts at short-term ministry if he wants to.  And if I see some of the kids again, it's almost more like a long-term thing, no?

*Sorry, my family is german and though I can't speak fluently AT ALL, I do use a smattering of phrases without thinking.  nicht so gut=not so good.
**Oh yeah, it was 2 provinces over.

</side trip>

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Okay, where was I...?  Oh yeah!  So I got back from camp and almost immediately moved to a new house, so I haven't had time to post.  Sorry.

You know what?  This post has already been really long, I'll just end it here and make a new post about what I was actually wanting to talk about.

Toodles :)

I am (we are) Eve.

Another gooder from SheReadsTruth.com
Not really anything I didn't already know, but that just makes me appreciate the reminder all the more.
eve: who we believe
Toodles lovelies!

Time for Change.

I decided to change the blog design.

Probably won't be the last time.

...I'm also getting a haircut tomorrow.

Sometimes we all need a little change.

(Plus it's fun to play with the extra nerdy parts of web design!  No basic templates for this girl!!  I just can't resist, I have to play around with the HTML until it's just right.)

P.S.  If you are using a mobile device... DON'T.  Or at the very least, promise that you'll check out the desktop theme at least once.  The mobile themes are generic and uncustomizable (I think I just made up that word)... I am displeased.

My Puppy is Cute

When my puppy* has had a stressful day** she is only comforted by four things.

*Not so 'puppy' anymore, I guess, since she's two. It's basically like how my dad still introduces me as his 'baby' even though I'm twenty-two.

**Which today, means it was windy (I'm convinced that my dogs are both part chicken).

1) The washing machine.

2) Standing between somebody's legs and moving with them every time they move (even on the stairs).***

***It should be noted that this is REALLY annoying because she is a BIG dog.

3) The piano. (I've gotten significantly better with all of the practice!)

And...

4) Getting tucked in under a blanket!  This one is the trickiest because first you have to get her to be STILL.

Today, I was trying to clean my room and she was insisting on number 2, which just wasn't helping.  I managed to convince her to go up on the bed, covered her in a blanket and tucked it around her.  Within minutes she was sleeping soundly.

So adorably defective, my puppy is.

Just thought I'd share :)

I made a thing.

I just finished my handmade graph paper journal. I'm really happy with how it turned out! It was a lot of fun to learn some bookbinding and to try my hand at embroidery (and creating the design).

That should satisfy the creative urges for at least a couple of days :)

I shall call him Ernest.

I'm alive!!

Hello lovelies.

I realized today that I neglected to tell you something very important.... I'm doing better.

You know that post I made about being spiritually tired and feeling distant for the month of March? Yeah... I've been doing a lot better for a while now.

I believe my funk only lasted for a couple of days after that post (basically, early April)..... sooooo, sorry for not telling you.

Anywho... I just wanted to share my devotional from today. It really changed my perspective on a couple of things. I've copy/pasted it below. If you happen to be a woman (or know of one), I highly recommend SheReadsTruth.com.

Toodles!

------------------------------------------------

(from SheReadsTruth.com)
Nehemiah | Day 15 | A Willing Sacrifice

Text: Nehemiah 11-12:26, Philippians 2:21, Romans 12:1

At first glance, the exhaustive list of names in chapters 11 and 12 makes for a rather dry read. But pull up a chair, dig in a bit more, and see that in between these listings is the story of great importance to Jerusalem.

You would think as Jerusalem was being finished, people fought over who would live within the walls of the great city that they built. It would seem obvious that living there would be a privilege. Instead we see that lots were cast over who had to go, and that the people who did volunteer were commended. (Nehemiah 11:1-2)

Why is this? First, Israelites were a hated people. Anyone living within the walls could probably expect to be attacked and live on edge. Also, because it was a holy city and in it resided their temple, the inhabitants would need to follow God’s commandments closely and be examples.

Simply put, living within Jerusalem was more of a bother than a gift to most.

“All seek their own, not the things that are Jesus Christ’s.” (Philippians 2:21)

As I read through these chapters, my heart is struck by how often in my life I am the Israelite unwilling to live in God’s city. I’d rather be outside the walls, no burdens of how to act or expectations to sacrifice comforts. Yet, what God wants from us isn’t a begrudging acceptance of “lot casting.” He wants our hearts, our ability to look at the unknown and often terrifying and still say, “Yes Lord. Not my will, but yours.”

Our Lord wants us to accept making our lives a living sacrifice for His kingdom because He knows that what lies ahead for us in eternity is better than anything here on earth.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” (Romans 12:1)

We can be lot casters. We can enter into His holy city kicking and screaming, pouting for years and wondering, “Why me?” But we can also choose to go willingly, to be the volunteers that love the Lord so much we’d sacrifice the earthly “good” life for the glory of God.

Lord, make our lives a (willing) living sacrifice for your greater purpose.

------------------------------------------------

Sewing, Days 2-4

I has been a long time since I've had the time to craft!  I worked on my purse a little bit on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.

(Sorry for the graininess of the pictures!  The only camera I had access to was my phone and the lighting in the room was horrible for pictures!)

Day 2:

Step 1 -- Clean the craft room

That's better :)

Step 2 -- Sew the other side of the strap on.

I love this picture because it shows how even with hoards of pins at my disposal, I would rather use random clips!  I sooooooo very much detest pins!

Step 3 -- Sew the front (I'm pretty pleased with how this turned out! Yay, pockets!)

Step 4 -- Basically run out of thread.

Day 3:

(I didn't take many pictures this day, because they would have made no sense.)

Step 1 -- Buy thread!

Step 2 -- Sew the bottom and sides together.

Step 3 -- Pull one of the seams apart to resew it in a way that doesn't make the strap twist in the middle.

Step 4 -- Sew the back together

Step 5 -- Sew the bottom to the front and back.

Day 4:

Step 1 -- Sew the sides to the front and back.

(Thank goodness there were clothespins nearby or I would have had to use pins!)

Step 2 -- Finish the outside!!!!

Tada!  I'm really happy with it!

Now I just have to remember what I had planned for all of the inside pieces...

Toodles, my lovelies!

A Good Reminder

This was in my devotional tonight and I just thought I would pass it on.

---------------------------------------------

// Philippians 2:5-11 // You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. //

(From SheReadsTruth.com)
When we think of humility as Christians, we know Jesus as the perfect example. What we may not think of are the reasons He was like He was. Absolutely, He had every right to be exalted by the world. Instead He choose to start out His story different from the moment it happened. Unwed mother. Stable birth. Fleeing from a king instead of a childhood home. Growing up always different. Put to death in the most cruel, humiliating way possible.

You may know all of this, it may have been told to you over and over with the ending of “because Jesus loved us so much.”

What strikes me is this: Jesus did this because His Heavenly Father ASKED Him to. He lived and died for the GLORY OF GOD. Just like in growing up, His death wasn’t for accolades or attention. He didn’t die so we, as imperfect creations, could tell Him how amazing He was for the rest of eternity. It was for obedience, and in being obedient, He needed to humble himself to our level. He had to, what would this story hold for our hearts and minds if Jesus grew up in a castle with servants and died at 90 in a gold bathtub? And yet, He easily could have and instead chose to obey.

Yes, Jesus died for our sins and to set us free from the rules and regulations we are still so bound by. But this act was in complete obedience to what He was sent to earth to accomplish. When we think of how and why He died, our thoughts should be on how amazing it was He could follow the path set for Him to the very end, even while we turned our backs on Him and He had His heart break for us.

Jesus was the very definition of humble. He was able to say no when He needed, to put others first each time He could, to obey His father at the cost of His life, and to set aside His own ego to accomplish what no one else could ever do.

What a Savior. What an amazing example of perfect humility.

---------------------------------------------

Thank you, Lord! God bless, my lovelies!

Oops.

Goodness, it has been a while, eh?

Bad Emmi.

It's Good Friday, so maybe this is a weird time to talk about this, but it does (kindasortamaybe?) fit.

The last month has, spiritually, been a rough one for me.

This won't be one of my more "wordy" blog post, because I've been trying all month yet still cannot find the right words to explain what's been happening or how I feel.

The best word I can use to describe it is DISTANT.

Not just feeling distant from God, though that certainly has it's place, but mainly that I feel distant from my UNDERSTANDING of Him and how I RELATE to that.  My brain and my heart are not communicating very effectively.

I am INFINITELY grateful that I have not stopped reading my Bible during this time; I could not imagine how much worse my month could have been if that wasn't the case. And as I write that I realize... I did have a really good month in most of the other aspects of my life.  I can only thank God.

But right there in that last sentence is one of the weird things about this valley period.  I can acknowledge the God-moments in my life, but I feel this disconnect to them.  Almost like I can SEE His handiwork, but I can't feel His hands.

For the first time EVER (and I mean evereverEVER!) I attended a worship conference and sang, as usual, with complete confidence in the truth of the words, but I felt no soul tug, or heart moving, or tear making, or anything else of that nature.  It was actually a little disappointing because I was looking forward to the conference as a default way to pull me out of my mystery funk.  ...Nope.

I'm tired of it, my lovely stalkers.  Good Friday has been a weird one for me.  Normally, the thought of Jesus' sacrifice for ME and MY guilt instantly brings me closer to Him, and though I am closer, I am nowhere near where I want to be.

But I hold on to the hope that this storm will pass.

In the meantime, I will listen to "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North and "Blessings" by Laura Story and a handful of other songs that I can't think of the names of at the moment. And then I will happy dance to "Hello, My Name Is" by Matthew West, go to bed, read my devotional, and pray that it will all go back to normal soon. :)

Farewell, lovelies!

Random Things...

Hey there!  I've just come off of a week of cold-and-flu and my brain is still a little bit mush so... this is going to be random.  These are all things that have been floating around in my brain lately, in no particular order...

Thing Number One:  Puffs Tissues
   With my fore-mentioned cold-and-flu, I have become very attached to these wonderfully soft things!  I haven't really expressed my love very nicely (think about it for a second...), but I hope that they know how important they are to me.

Thing Number Two:  Crayola Twistables
   I have long wanted to be one of those people who highlights and makes notes in their Bible, but I've been too chicken to actually do it.  UNTIL NOW!!!  I have discovered the perfect highlighting tool!  These crayon-not-crayon things are amazing!  No bleed through, no rub off, not too dark, no page ripping or rippling, so cheap (yet essentially the same thing as what is marketed as a dry bible highlighter) ...I can't think of anything much else to say about them, all I want to do is use exclamation marks!  !!!!!
   Now that I've got the highlighting part down, I feel like my next step is to work up the courage to use my pen.  I've researched it to death and have my archival ink pens (temporarily misplaced, but somewhere in my room)... soon, I think I'll bite the bullet soon.

Thing Number Three:  Missions
   I have some friends who were just on (I have trouble keeping track of dates in general and it goes completely out the window when I get sick, so... possibly still on?) a mission trip, and it's got me thinking about missions again.  I haven't been on one in a couple of years and would love to go on one again, but even more than that, I've been thinking about the impact they've had on my life already.
   I never did have the same reactions that most have on their mission trips.  The only culture shock I experienced was in the airports and possibly with the food, I didn't feel my heart breaking at every turn, and I have always been disappointed with my lack of ability to communicate through the communication barrier.
   But that's the bad news.
   I always just saw people who were filled with more JOY than most people up in North America can claim to have, who loved Jesus more ENTHUSIASTICALLY than any Christians I had ever met, and who lived with more UNDERSTANDING of what evangelism is than I had ever understood.  Rather than giving all of the blessing, I always felt more blessed -- I was the one receiving the life-changing!
   Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that my assistance in building their church, painting their pews and shutters, doing some children's features, and heartily thanking the ladies that cooked every meal for us, was a blessing for them, but... I can't help but feel that I still got the long stick, and that is what I've been thinking about...
   I am reminded of how every time I came back home I was even more grateful for the abundance that I already had, and that I didn't care at all about gaining MORE.  I was abundantly grateful for the love of family and friends and church.  I felt inspired to live joyfully and simply, thanking God for each day.
  Those feelings had faded (some quite a bit) until I was praying for my friends and their trip.  I'm grateful for these reminders and I'm trying to live by those understandings again.

Thing Number Four:  My Youth Group <3
   We've had some younger teens join our group in the last couple of weeks and I gotta tell you, it has given me a brand new perspective on how awesome my "regulars" are!  I am so proud of those teenagers, I feel like a parent, looking at them and thinking, "That's my kid!"  The amount of growth and maturity I see as they welcome these younger (and more annoying) kids and make them feel like a part of the group... I just can't stop telling them how awesome they are and how proud I am of them.  They rock and I'm so lucky to get to witness that!

Thing Number Five:  Meaningful Friendships
   Friends I can have deep talks with, do stupid things with, and be my usual quirky self with, all within a couple of hours, are awesome.  I'm grateful for every one of those friends and what they add to my life.

Thing Number Six:  Sherlock
   I was introduced to BBC's Sherlock over Christmas break.  I watched the season 2 finale with the same "WHAAAAAT!?!" reaction as everybody who has seen it, and resigned myself to waiting in sorrow for who knows how long until season 3 became a reality.
   BUT I have recently discovered something that has sparked my excitement again!  I won't bore you with the details (if you want to know them, ask me sometime), but the short story is that I realized while watching an episode of Murdoch Mysteries that the BBC show is not just a loose interpretation of the character known as Sherlock Holmes, but that each episode very closely ties into a specific Sir Arthur Conan Doyle writing!  !!!!!
   Needless to say I am preparing to get a little nerdy about all things Sherlock :)
   Plus!  The creators of the BBC show just released three words as clues for what is coming up in the 3rd season (one for each episode, I assume) so... yep, (of course) now I just HAVE TO figure out which original story they refer to.

And lastly...
Thing Number Seven:  Preparation
   God is always teaching me something, but there are moments in time when I suddenly realize how several different things in my life (friendships, sermons, Bible study, etc.) have been combining to teach me the same thing.
   I just had that "Aha!" moment yesterday in church, when I realized that God has been teaching me what He expects of me in relationships.
   I'm not really sure how to put this next part... What I've been learning is certainly useful right now, but all of the learning has been specifically... wife-related...
   Uh... you may recall that I am not currently in (nor have I really ever been) in a relationship, so... perhaps you will join me as I say "????" (with just a little bit of "!!!!!" thrown in there)!
   I'm not really sure what to make of this yet, but I've always been convinced that God will lead me into a relationship when I was "ready", so it's been kind of fun to learn about and embrace (more now, than ever before) His design for marriage.
   And maybe (just a little bit) begin to get excited about what He has in store for me.
   Though I should mention that, even with this "Aha!", He hasn't really given me (or I haven't properly understood) any indication of who/when.  I'm just in the preparation stage :P

That's all for now my lovelies :)  I hope you've enjoyed this snippet into my brain.  It's a little crazy, even to me, that ALL of those things were simultaneously on my mind!  Brains are amazing, God is amazing.

// 2 Timothy 1:12 // ...for I know whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him... //

Worry & Trust

// Matthew 6:27 // Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? //

Side Thought #1:  There is a footnote on this verse that says "Or single cubit to his height".  As a vertically challenged person (fine, call it "short" if you must), somehow that has always spoken louder to me. :)

I was sending an email to a good friend (about worry and stress and trusting God) a week and a bit ago when this verse popped back into my head, and it has been stuck there ever since!  In the email, my focus was encouraging her, but I think the lesson was mainly for me.

I don't know about you guys, but worry and stress come pretty easily to me.

Trusting God on the other hand... hasn't always been the easiest.

Another important thing that I should mention from the email is that I formed a bit of an analogy about the process (for lack of a better word) of trusting God.

Side Thought #2:  I love, love, love analogies and metaphors!  I'm just warning you.  I'm sure it will come up again in the future.

It goes something like this...

Picture your ability (this is important later) to trust God as the foundation layer on a pyramid.

Every time you trust God with something, it add's a block to your pyramid (big thing=big block, little thing=little block).

Also important for this process, any time that your trust has a positive effect (in my mind, this means anything that makes me want to praise God.  Ex: peace, God-incidence, confidence, etc.), that block gets added to your foundation.

Now, the reason that I said "ability" before is that if you make a habit of trusting God and seeing/feeling the results of that, you will get a pretty nice foundation.  But if you don't... well... I picture it something like this:

Okay, now picture that you come across some medium-big sized worry that you want to trust God with.  Say it looks something like this...

Side Thought #3: I remember "Paint" being a much more awesome than this...

If you have not developed your "trust foundation", you will have a hard time trusting God with this worry.  You will be pushing your ability beyond what it is prepared for.

But on the other hand, if you have built a foundation, that worry is super easy to trust God with!  No problem, it's not even that big of a worry from this point of view.

I don't know about you, but I'd rather have the latter.

Side Thought #4: I feel it's important to reiterate that my focus here is on the perspective of how easy or hard it is to surrender something to God.  NOT whether he can handle it or not, because that visual looks like this...

(And that's obviously not to scale, because it it were all you would see is an ittybitty portion of the top of God's box since it would stretch infinitely in all directions.  This post is already long -- an infinite God box would have been a little ridiculous, don't you think?)

So that has been my challenge.  When I find myself worrying about anything, big or small, I give it to God, because I know that he can handle it, and that I will be amazed at how he turns it into praise, and that experiencing him work will make it easier to trust him again, because I know that he can handle it, and lather-rinse-repeat.

I think that's pretty cool.

Community

As I watched a flock of birds hanging out on a power line over the train yard today, I couldn't help but think that it was a beautiful reflection of the sense of community that I feel in my church.

Yesterday was not just the usual Sunday.  We had the chance to honor a lovely couple for their consistent service in our church.  Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE (even the guest who was just at our church to make a presentation for the new Pregnancy Care Center in town) was filled with love and support for this couple!  And my favorite part is that even with the service mostly dedicated to this couple, what we were able to give them is STILL only a portion of the amount of love, and prayers, and honor, and service that they have given to us over the years and still will give!

My close-second favorite part is the reminder that my church family is AMAZING!  So much love, support, and togetherness.  Truly a beautiful community.  Maybe I'm biased, but I kind of don't think so.

My sense of community didn't end there yesterday.  I was able to hang out with my puzzle making friend again!  (Yes.  In case you were wondering... we did build another puzzle.  And I have no shame in admitting that we both had FUN doing it!)  The camaraderie in spending hours just hanging out with a friend is so stinkin' wonderful that it only added to my awareness of the community that I am fortunate enough to be a part of.

AND THERE'S MORE!!  I went straight from that friend's house to another friend's house!  One of the young men in the youth has been slowly (and with a great deal of patience on his part) giving me a video game education.  We spent hours playing, laughing the whole time (because I was SO BAD at the beginning, and still not near pro by the time we called it a night!), and I was reminded once again that the community in my church family has spawned a great community in the Youth Group!  Even though we were both frustrated at my ineptitude, we still had a great deal of fun.

I think that is beautiful.

I am so grateful to God that I get to be a part of this community of amazing people who care about me and that I have the opportunities to care about in return.

I hope that you all get the chance to experience that, my lovelies!

Sewing, Day 1

The first day of sewing the purse went thusly...

Step one:  Set up work space.

  -- I realized as I was putting this up that it looks like I set up my water bottle for the best angle, but I promise, it was all an accident :)

Step two:  Iron all the light grey pieces. 

Step three:  Start sewing the strap.

  -- The strap is always my least favorite part so I figured I get it out of the way first. 

Step four:   Spend an hour fighting with the sewing machine.

  -- The tension was off, then it kept un-threading itself (which makes it get all knotted in the bobbin case, so you have to cut the work out of the tangle of threads, then open up everything to get all of the little pieces of knotted thread out, then re-thread the machine, then cross your fingers and try again.)

  -- Finally, I got two diagonal lines sewn and felt like I'd conquered the beast!

Step five:  Almost finish strap, and run out of bobbin thread.

  -- Convenient since I had to go to work anyway.

Step six:  Come back after work, supper, and Youth to finish strap.  Add the buckles.

  -- Again with the water bottle!  This time was also unintentional, for the record.

Step seven:  Take a break from the strap of nightmares to quilt two pieces together for the bottom of the purse.

  -- This took SOOOO much longer than I thought it would!  I was going to do the same with the sides,but quickly nixed that idea as soon as I'd finished the bottom.  It may be structural, but it was exhausting!

Step eight:  Sew the strap to the side.

  -- I only did one...  I'll do the other side next time. 

The end of day one.

Goodnight, lovelies...

When Creativity Happens...

Hello lovelies!

So it's almost two in the morning and I've spent the last nearly four hours* doing THIS!

*I recounted in the normal hours of the day and it was actually less than three hours... apparently my brain stops being smart after midnight.  It's like Cinderella, except... not.

One of the many hobbies that I have is sewing -- specifically purse design.  Since all of my purses have decided to fall apart as of late, I decided that I should start this project that I've been designing for a year.  This also gave me a convenient opportunity to use my new Christmas present -- a cutting mat and rotary blade (happydance)!  Thank you sister and brother-in-law!

You see that piece of lined paper in the middle there?  That's my list of all of the pieces of material that I had to cut out.  Makes a little more sense why I was working for four  three(ish) hours at this, doesn't it?

The pile of grey material on the left is actually the pieces that I had ALREADY cut out when I took the picture.

There were A LOT of pieces in that pile so I decided that I should label them before I forgot what they all were.

Hmmm... I think I like pockets :)  And those are just the ones on the inside!

 Here's the final pile with all of the pieces cut!  Does it look like a purse yet?

Yeah... it doesn't really look like one to me either, and I know what it will (should?) look like in the end!  Stay tuned!  Hopefully, I'll post more pictures as I put them all together.

Now...

I know that I said this would be a YouTube free post, but I can't resist!  This song is so adorable :)

Until next time, my lovely stalkers!

Carnegie Hall!!

Well, I could have saved myself some time with yesterday's post if I'd have only remembered that THIS was happening.  Awesome people doing awesome things at (aaaaaaahhhh!) Carnegie Hall!!! (stompstomp)

If you have two and a half hours to spare, grab some popcorn or something and enjoy the show.
(You can skip all the way to 35:10 right away...)
(Also, sorry for Kimya's language.  I mostly just like the John and Hank related stuff.)


Goodnight Lovelies!

P.S.  Hello new stalkers :)  Sorry to overwhelm you with the nerd factor lately!  I'll probably post about something that ISN'T YouTube related tomorrow morning.

P.P.S  I am open to you being less "stalker" and more "friend", ya know, if you are.  Not that I'll judge you if you stay hidden, goodness knows that I have never revealed my presence on others' blogs!  But if you're feeling brave, leave a comment, I'd love to start a discussions and/or whatnot.

Once again...

Hmmm... it's seems like Mondays are going to be the day that I feel I should blog in order to not fall out of habit.  (By "seems" I mean that this is the second time... that's enough right?)

Now I just have to decide again WHAT to blog about...

... it's hardest to come up with something when I start with the thought to blog, rather than start with the idea to blog about.  Whodathunkit?

There's also the dilemma of my brain not remembering the "things" that I've added to my mental list of things to blog about...  That's also a problem.

Okay.  This won't be for everyone (because, you know, there are SO many of you, right?), but it's all that's floating around in my head right now.  If you aren't interested, I don't mind, just ignore this post.

NERD SONGS!!!!  I was listening to these at work today.

Doubts.

// Mark 9:24b NLT // "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" //

This was the verse that stood out to me in my personal devotions, and ultimately became the lesson I taught at the Youth Bible Study on Wednesday.

This story in Mark that tells of Jesus healing a demon-possessed boy contains a lot of characters who are struggling with unbelief, but the father of the boy is my favorite.  I can relate to him.

Not because I have a demon-possessed child, but because sometimes I also feel so stuck in this place between belief and unbelief that all I can think to say is, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

(A lot of the following is how I've pictured it as if I were standing in the story.  All of the accounts of this healing [Mark 9:14-29, Matthew 17:14-21, Luke 9:37-43] don't really give us an up close and personal view of the father, or any of the characters really.  But they are human, their natures are not so difficult to imagine.  Regardless, this is my disclaimer: I made some of it up.  I encourage you to follow along in Mark 9:14-29 if you are able to.)

This man is desperate!  His son has been possessed since he was little, and this is no doubt not the first time that the father has sought healing for him.  He brings his boy, in faith, to where Jesus is supposed to be.  Instead, he finds 9 of the 12 disciples and the news that Jesus is up the mountain, not to return for a while.

If I were him, this would have deflated me a little.

But never fear!  The disciples have performed healings only three chapters ago and are eager to prove that, even if they aren't "special" enough to go up the mountain with Jesus, they aren't useless.  They probably insisted that they could heal his boy.

So they try.  ...And they fail.  (Lack of faith can do that... see Matthew 17:19-21)

So while an argument starts between some religious teachers and the disciples for who knows what reason, I imagine this father is off on the side-lines... beginning to wonder if his little boy CAN ever be healed, beginning to doubt when, if ever, life will change.

Then Jesus walks up.

The argument stops, people run to greet him, and he asks what everyone was arguing about.

The father steps up and desperately explains how he brought his son to see Jesus so that he could be healed.  He explains the boy's situation (basically, the demon causes grand mal seizures, which I can't imagine watching your child go through). Then he breaks the bad news... the disciples couldn't do it.

Jesus says a couple of choice words on the faithlessness of his disciples, and then he says, "Bring the boy to me."

Any hope the father may have had at Jesus finally being in the story, I imagine, probably didn't last long as, upon seeing Jesus, the evil spirit "threw the child into a violent convulsion, and he fell to the ground, writhing and foaming at the mouth."

Gah!  To be a parent in that situation must be heart breaking!  I have very little doubt that all he was thinking was how much he wished this could all be over for his son.

In my head, the father turns to Jesus beseechingly hoping that Jesus is seeing this and will heal his boy NOW.

But instead, Jesus asks, "How long has this been happening?"

Wait, whaaaaat?!

(I love this part!)  Jesus sees the struggle of doubt within the father, He knows the fear the father has that even JESUS won't be able to heal his boy, and Jesus can tell that this man's faith has been shaken.

And as the father answers Jesus, I can feel his desperation as he explains even more strongly that the evil spirit has tried to kill his boy!  He cries, "Have mercy on us and help us, if you can."

There it is.

The father has identified his own doubt.

// Mark 9:23-24 NLT // "What do you mean, 'If I can'?" Jesus asked.  "Anything is possible if a person believes."  The father instantly cried out, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" //

THEN... Jesus turns to the boy.  "I command you to come out of this child and never enter him again!"

The spirit screams and throws the boy into another seizure, but this time, I don't think the father doubts.  This time, he believes it now, is the last time.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Like I said before, I relate to this father.

I very strongly believe that God has a plan for my future.  I just lose sight of that sometimes when another year passes and it isn't my future yet.  I get discouraged and start to think, maybe the things I hope for will never happen, maybe the future I have in my head will never exist.

I'm in that place right now.

I needed this story to remind me that I have a Savior who is CONSTANT, and a God who has a future and a hope PLANNED for me.  His timing will be PERFECT, I just have to live in faith.  

When I catch myself doubting what my future will hold and/or when it will hold it, I will pray, "Father, I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief."

Do I Tell...

I think this is the post that will push me onto 2 pages, and that's got me thinking.

Me:  Do I tell people that I've started a blog?
Self:  Well, you DID tell those two people that one night at the dinner table...
Me:  Yes, but that was the day after I'd started the blog, and I just HAD to tell somebody.  Plus, computers are tricky for them, I don't even think they've thought looked at it yet.  I'm talking about OTHER people.
Self:  Like... Facebook?
Me:  Essentially... Yes.

(Even though I can carry that conversation really well in my head, it was surprisingly difficult to keep it all straight as I typed it so... that's enough of that!)

I'm facing a bit of a dilemma.

On one hand, I don't really want my blog to never be read by anyone.

On the other hand, I'm terrified that my blog will ever be read by anyone!

You see my dilemma?

I'm still not sure which hand will win out.

Part of my struggle with my decision is HOW to tell people.  I don't really think that telling everyone on Facebook is the way that I want to go.  I have been, and intend to be, very honest about my life, and that route just feels a little too over-exposed.  Though, there are a lot of people there who I feel would make very good, supportive stalkers.  I want to be able to tell all of THEM without having to hand pick who they will be.

Hmmm... maybe this is too much to think on at TWO in the morning.  I'll sleep on it.

THAT reminds me of THIS.
(Note: If you are sensitive to scientists who talk about evolution, be prepared to cover your ears for 5:31-5:39.  Also, I apologize for the weirdness that is 5:44-6:06.  BUT the science and everything that is not related to a sex joke is, I think at least, kind of fascinating.)

Lessons.

... I wish hard lessons were easier to learn.

// James 1:19 NLT // Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. //

God has been (re)teaching me these truths in the last twenty-four hours.

Being slow to speak has never been an easy one for me.  I dislike seeing anyone go through hard times and I just want to get in there and FIX it.  But... I have learned that helpful words do not always help.  More often, just listening is what helps the most.

I learned this a long time ago, but today, I obviously needed to be reminded of it.

I always joke with God that I am relatively unobservant to the things He is trying to teach me, and so he should know that if He wants something to sink in He has to make it reallyreallysuperextra obvious!

One should never joke with God...

I had two completely separate, but almost identical situations yesterday and today.  In one I was hasty to give "advice" without really understanding the other person's problem.  In the other, someone made a point of giving me their two cents without taking the time to understand to my situation.

In both situations, the "helpful" opinion was given to be just that, helpful.  The advice came out of a place of concern for the other person's situation.

I realized right away that I'd goofed and I made a "Sorry for the speech!" statement, but it wasn't until I found myself getting frustrated at the person who gave me their thoughts so hastily that I understood again just how hurtful helpful-but-not-helpful words can be.

In both situations, there was one person who was a little too slow to listen and a little too quick to speak.  And, in my situation at least, there was someone who was finding it a little too easy to be quick to anger (in my head only, which I'm grateful for now).

Before I wrote this, I sent an apology to the young man to whom I was so quick to give advice.  He was very gracious and I am blessed to have such maturity in my little group of youth.

Since I'm the one who learned the lesson, I don't really expect to receive an apology in the other situation.  It doesn't lessen the hurt yet, but it's good to have perspective and the reminder that it is my responsibility to be the gracious one. After all, I know how easy it is to think that my "helpful" opinion just HAS to be given.

Something to think about, my lovelies.

Remember today to be QUICK to listen, SLOW to speak, and SLOW to get angry.

And maybe, if necessary, QUICK to apologize.

God bless.

Missing Pens!

One of the blogs of which I am a stalker is the blog of author Maggie Stiefvater.

She is frequently hilarious.

Case in point.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :)
http://m-stiefvater.livejournal.com/243458.html

Too Many Things.

I decided that I should blog today so as not to fall out of habit... but I kinda have nothing to say.

That's not really true, I suppose.  The more realistic statement is that I have too many things to say and I'm not sure of how to chose just one, let alone focus on it well enough to be eloquent and/or make sense in general.  This is my brain, welcome.

Hmmm...

(I'm attempting to chose.  You can't tell, but it's taking a lot of face-scrunching.)

Okay, I've got it.  I'm going to talk about my amazement at the friends that God brings into my life.

I had the pleasure of spending several hours yesterday with a new, but quickly becoming good, friend.  I went over to hang out on Sunday evening and immediately noticed that her son (who's 3) had a big band-aid on his forehead.  When I asked about it, she explained that while playing hide-and-seek she'd managed to convince him to cover his eyes so that he could not see, then decided that he should stand in the corner so there was even less of a chance of him seeing anything.  So, with eyes firmly covered, her little boy walked in the direction he thought was the corner... and ran head first into the wall.

One of those situations where you want to laugh, but you know you probably shouldn't...

Anyways, one of the first things she says to me is, "You can hang out with me for six hours if you want."  Then noting my confused expression, she explained, "I'm going to have to wake him up every half hour for the next six hours." (She didn't say "because he could have a concussion," but I figured it out pretty quickly.)  I don't think she meant for me to take her up on it, but in the end I was there for six and a half hours, so there you go.  She was working on a puzzle, and I love puzzles, so it was only natural that I stay until it was done (minus 8 missing pieces).

Tada!  (By the way, non-square puzzles are more complicated, but also more satisfying. Not to mention cooler looking!)


But the puzzle isn't what I want to talk about.  God has brought us together from completely different walks of life.  She's a new Christian, I grew up in it.  She lived the party life, I... lived the nerd life? (Books, puzzles, and walks are "fun", I'm not sure what else to call it!)  Even though she is 2 years younger than I am, she has a 3 year old, has been married for 3 years, and is going through a sorta-separation.  I have never even had a serious relationship.

And even with (or possibly, because of) all of these differences we were able to chat and goof off for six and a half hours together!  We both felt completely comfortable and were both openly sharing about things that are usually uncomfortable.  I can see God in it everywhere!  This was our first of, hopefully, many hangouts to come.  I look forward to what God will teach me, and how He might use me, through this friendship.

Farewell, my stalkers!  Until next time.

Over-Committed and Stalkers

I tend to over-commit myself.

Because I CAN do many things, I agree to do ALL of them.  

For example: Tomorrow (Sunday) I am scheduled for both running PowerPoint AND leading worship.  I am good with computers and passable with my guitar and so I've agreed to both of these things without really processing that at times, they will conflict with each other.

This particular example is fairly easy for me to fix, but that is not always the case.  More often than not, I try to cram all of the things in, and in doing so, burn myself out a little bit.  I know that what God has Planned for me right now is to be the Youth Leader, but he has also given me gifts that I feel bad not using.  

But of course, that attitude is not helpful.  And this will be my struggle.  I know (or, more likely, have convinced myself) that, in our small church, if I do not do one of my things, either no one will or the Pastor will (because he also suffers from over-commitment).

But alas... I think at some point soon, I will have say no to one of my commitments.  I don't like it.  It will not be easy, and I dread having to decide.

Stalkers, I'd appreciate your help in praying about this.

Speaking of my stalkers! 

This is a picture of my pageview statistics.  They were in the single digits for days and then BAM 24!  I suspect that for the most part (especially the Germany and South Korea numbers) the boost is related to the adds on the YouTube video yesterday.  I also have a tendency to go look at the blog myself (because it's pretty, and new, and I'm paranoid about typos).  But still, hello lovely stalkers!  Even if you are just computers.

Two Statues...

I found this joke the other day.  It brings me great joy!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came to them.  "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "I'm going to give you a special gift.  I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."  And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.  Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.  Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "You want to do it again?"  And he replied, "Yes, very much.  But this time let's switch positions.  This time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on its head."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hehehe "you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on its head"!!  I can't get enough of that :)

Nerdiness (Nerdyness?)

I'm kind of addicted to YouTube at the moment in the most nerdy of ways.

Of my 29 Subscriptions (Gah! 29 Subscriptions),
13 are EduTubes (Basically educational videos, which sounds lame and boring, but SO IS NOT!)
7 are basic Vlogs (Including Vlogbrothers, which is part of the reason I'm addicted to Youtube.  See an example below, but be warned... it starts with one video and then BAM 29 Subscriptions.)
4 are web series (Why is the plural of series "series"?!)
2 are Let's Play channels (Which is a crossover from my "real life"...  I like to watch OTHER people play video games.)
1 is an a capella group (5 voices, full sound, 1 adorably deep-voiced bass vocalist *sigh*)
1 is some guys who play piano and cello (and are awesome!)
and 1 is just a cat (Maru should never be described as "just a cat".  Shame on me.)

Yep. *looks at list* I have a problem.

There was a time (not so very long ago) when I looked at my list of priorities and compared it to a pie chart of what I spent my time on... and well, it wasn't pretty.  Things like time with God, time with family, time with/preparing for Youth, and time spent on everyday responsibilities had just slivers of the pie chart even though they were clearly top of my priority list.

I've been intentionally working on this over the past handful of months.  Some of my priorities seemed more vital at the end of August, when suddenly, I was preparing to be the sole Youth Leader.  I really had to be critical of my pie chart, because I couldn't afford to slack off anymore.  I got consistent with God fast and found that it was much easier than I ever thought it could be to stay that way (turns out I had a great many useless excuses...).  There were other things that I changed (for other blog posts), but that's the big one obviously.

And I can only be thankful.  God knows.  I needed the threat (so to speak) of "responsibility" to necessitate my no-excuses-allowed consistency with Him.  My own desire for it took over at some point in early September, but I needed the kick in the pants to get me over the initial hump.

// Ephesians 3:20 NLT // Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. //


And now, nerd jokes.  Remember my warning.

To blog or not to blog...

Well I guess it's obvious that I've decided (at least for now) to blog.

I'm honestly a little skeptical about my ability to maintain a blog.  I keep trying to tell myself that if I can be consistent about stalking others' blogs then I should be able to consistently create my own.

Oh the lies I tell myself.

Nonetheless, I'm gonna give it a try.

Step one: Create a blog.  Done.  Step two: Create content/schedule/whatevers.  TBD.

Wish me luck! (She says to no one.)